He won't go to work

15个答案/

Last post: 4/30/2021 at 11:10 AM

Laura C(52)
Laura C(52)
Not really sure what to call this person So I'll call him Bob....
所以经过近3年鲍勃会空的承诺l still not go to work.
We have a 1 year old together and he will not go to work and provide for his daughter. He say its because he doesn't like leaving me on my own or to help out with housework or to spend quality time with me... he has every excuse going not to go to work. I'm getting so fed up and have started looking for my own place. I feel really bad as I know this will hurt him but I can't cope with him not going to work whiles I work 2 jobs to pick up the slack.
Please help!!! Am I asking to much.

Edited on 4/24/2021 at 7:07 PM by Laura C(52)
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Sarah D(2)
Sarah D(2)

That’s just lazy why should you do everything and work while he doesn’t , does he get benefits what does he live on? If he on benefits you’d assume job centre would be on his back to provide, what does he do with his time at home does he help out much ? Men should provide and it’s great you work too and providing for your daughter but shouldn’t have to provide for him too, he should be getting a job and helping out my partner is full time I’m part time on Fridays and Saturdays as then he’s here with kids as he finish early Friday as I’ve got 9,3,2 year old , he needs telling to get a job and provide for his family or leave xx
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Chelle
Chelle
This thread has been moved from category性和关系to categoryUnhealthy relationshipsbyChelle
Please read the rules before posting ; report things which breach these rules, and only post once, in the most appropriate forum
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Laura C(52)
Laura C(52)
In answer to
Sarah D(2)

That’s just lazy why should you do everything and work while he doesn’t , does he get benefits what does he live on? If he on benefits you’d assume job centre would be on his back to provide, what does he do with his time at home does he help out much ? Men should provide and it’s great you work too and providing for your daughter but shouldn’t have to provide for him too, he should be getting a job and helping out my partner is full time I’m part time on Fridays and Saturdays as then he’s here with kids as he finish early Friday as I’ve got 9,3,2 year old , he needs telling to get a job and provide for his family or leave xx

嗨,谢谢你的回馈。不,他没有声称什么。我们所拥有的一切都来自我。我只是不明白为什么他不想去上班并支持我们。He has a zero hour contract so he can get away with not working without ant consequences. Its really frustrating because he can earn fortune but chooses not too. We dont go without but that's not the point. We could have so much more. Sounds like you guys have got it sorted. X
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Laura C(52)
Laura C(52)
In answer to
Sarah D(2)

That’s just lazy why should you do everything and work while he doesn’t , does he get benefits what does he live on? If he on benefits you’d assume job centre would be on his back to provide, what does he do with his time at home does he help out much ? Men should provide and it’s great you work too and providing for your daughter but shouldn’t have to provide for him too, he should be getting a job and helping out my partner is full time I’m part time on Fridays and Saturdays as then he’s here with kids as he finish early Friday as I’ve got 9,3,2 year old , he needs telling to get a job and provide for his family or leave xx

嗨,谢谢你的回馈。不,他没有声称什么。我们所拥有的一切都来自我。我只是不明白为什么他不想去上班并支持我们。他有一个零小时合同,所以他可以在没有任何后果的情况下逃脱。它真的令人沮丧,因为他可以赚取财富,但也选择。我们不去,但这不是重点。我们可以拥有更多。听起来像你们的声音已经排序了。X
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Loraine N(4)
Loraine N(4)
劳拉,

I'm Loraine, one of the Netmums' Parent Supporters.

I can hear how frustrated you are with the situation at home - hopefully, more of our members will drop by soon and share their experiences with you.:hugs:

与此同时,你说你的伴侣还没有工作3年 - 是对的吗?

你也说“他说,因为他不喜欢自己离开我或用家事,或者和我一起度过优质时光'- can I ask if you've made it clear to him that you don't want the same thing?

有时,当你试图说服你的观点时,如果有更多的钱进入房子,可以帮助制定你可以买的东西清单,例如,如果房子里有更多的钱。你能负担得起假期,还是买新家具等。

If however, you've decided that you want to end the relationship, then it's important to be honest with him about that too. Have you considered couples counselling?

Relate have lots of information on their website which you might find helpful to read through. You can access the detailshere.

Come back and let us know how things are Laura and we'll try to support you in any wy we can.:hugs:

Loraine X.
Loraine is an accredited Home-Start volunteer, in addition to working extensively in the public sector, focussing on safeguarding children. Find out more about her work with Netmums. The support Netmums Parent Supporters provide is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice from a health professional or any other qualified advisory organisation. Users should always seek professional advice relevant to their particular set of circumstances from a qualified health professional or other relevant professional organisations.
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Laura C(52)
Laura C(52)
In answer to
Loraine N(4)
劳拉,

I'm Loraine, one of the Netmums' Parent Supporters.

I can hear how frustrated you are with the situation at home - hopefully, more of our members will drop by soon and share their experiences with you.:hugs:

与此同时,你说你的伴侣还没有工作3年 - 是对的吗?

你也说“他说,因为他不喜欢自己离开我或用家事,或者和我一起度过优质时光'- can I ask if you've made it clear to him that you don't want the same thing?

有时,当你试图说服你的观点时,如果有更多的钱进入房子,可以帮助制定你可以买的东西清单,例如,如果房子里有更多的钱。你能负担得起假期,还是买新家具等。

If however, you've decided that you want to end the relationship, then it's important to be honest with him about that too. Have you considered couples counselling?

Relate have lots of information on their website which you might find helpful to read through. You can access the detailshere.

Come back and let us know how things are Laura and we'll try to support you in any wy we can.:hugs:

Loraine X.

Hi loraine
Thank you so much for your advice. It's nice to know that someone gets it!!! Yes I have made it very clear that I don't want or need him at the house. I can manage on my own. I sometimes feel like he's wants me to think I can't cope or that I need him. I'm more than capable. I have pointed it out to him all the things we could off had and the memories we could off made. If im honest I don't anymore before he doesn't listen and the only person this is efforting is me. I now have come to realise that he doesn't care nor is he gonna support the his daughter. I'm Currently looking to move then it's not my problem.
Massive thank you again x
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Sarah D(2)
Sarah D(2)
In answer to
Laura C(52)

嗨,谢谢你的回馈。不,他没有声称什么。我们所拥有的一切都来自我。我只是不明白为什么他不想去上班并支持我们。他有一个零小时合同,所以他可以在没有任何后果的情况下逃脱。它真的令人沮丧,因为他可以赚取财富,但也选择。我们不去,但这不是重点。我们可以拥有更多。听起来像你们的声音已经排序了。X


Really should be helping and earning money for you guys why should you pay to feed him you work for yourself and child not to feed him who’s doing nothing I’d be having serious words he needs to man up hun and put his part in well done you for everything your doing but don’t be paying for him do nothing x
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Laura C(52)
Laura C(52)
In answer to
Sarah D(2)


Really should be helping and earning money for you guys why should you pay to feed him you work for yourself and child not to feed him who’s doing nothing I’d be having serious words he needs to man up hun and put his part in well done you for everything your doing but don’t be paying for him do nothing x

Hi, thank you so much for your kind words. Yes he should.... We had words today, he's said he's not happy in his job that's part off the reason he's not been going. It's a easy fix so let's see what happens. Not holding my breath tho. Won't be paying for anything now other than the essentials. Need to realise if you want it work for it x
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Stacey H(563)
Stacey H(563)
In answer to
Laura C(52)
Not really sure what to call this person So I'll call him Bob....
所以经过近3年鲍勃会空的承诺l still not go to work.
We have a 1 year old together and he will not go to work and provide for his daughter. He say its because he doesn't like leaving me on my own or to help out with housework or to spend quality time with me... he has every excuse going not to go to work. I'm getting so fed up and have started looking for my own place. I feel really bad as I know this will hurt him but I can't cope with him not going to work whiles I work 2 jobs to pick up the slack.
Please help!!! Am I asking to much.



He's not your partner, he's a dependant. He is costing you quality time with your child whilst you work two jobs to cover his. It's not fair for you to work two jobs whilst he works none. If you both had one each things could be a lot more balanced and you could have the family time he says he wants. You need to get rid of him. He is a deadbeat and will only drag you down.

祝你好运xx.
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Can't find your answer?
Laura C(52)
Laura C(52)
In answer to
Stacey H(563)



He's not your partner, he's a dependant. He is costing you quality time with your child whilst you work two jobs to cover his. It's not fair for you to work two jobs whilst he works none. If you both had one each things could be a lot more balanced and you could have the family time he says he wants. You need to get rid of him. He is a deadbeat and will only drag you down.

祝你好运xx.

Hi
100%同意所有这些。他没有任何兴趣去上班。他没有起床去。他的工作很好地付出了很好,他有机会,但选择不要更好自己或支持他的孩子。不,他不是!!我甚至不知道他是什么。只需要我自己的地方,所以我可以快乐和解决。
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Catherine R(386)
Catherine R(386)
只是为了打魔鬼的倡导者......这听起来像是一个非常正常的场景,只需与通常的性格交换一样。虽然他在家里,他照顾你的孩子还是做任何家务?显然,如果你想少工作,并且在家里花更多时间,但如果没有他工作,就不能这样做,那么它需要解决。但是从你给出的信息来看,它只是听起来像他可以成为一个留在家里的爸爸?
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Vicky W(636)
Vicky W(636)
嗨女孩!!

Ive been in the exact same position as you! My ex refused to work! I had to work 2 jobs to provide for our kids! It was tough going! He would lie in bed all day or play the xbox!

It was very frustrating because i would have loved to have been at home a bit more but we needed a roof over our heads and food on the table.

他在工作时帮忙吗?我的前任没有!!我不得不让孩子被家人照顾..

The stress of it all eventually ended our relationship. Hindsight i should have left a lot sooner.

Ive been on my own for coming up to 5 years now and what a change it has been! I have learnt to manage my money so much better so i have been able to stop working both jobs and concentrate on 1. I do monthly and weekly budgets so i know all of our bills and what ever else is paid! I even manged to put money away for hoildays which we as a couple had never been able to do. Up until covid hit we had been on 3 hoildays to spain which the kids absolutely loved!

如果你已经在自己身边寻找,我肯定会考虑它!这是一个大规模的变化,但它的100%值得风险!如果他现在不工作,那么我会说Thibgs很快就会不会改变!我常常听到所有相同的借口......我住了10年,它永远不会改变。不要犯这个错误

祝你决定做什么
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Shelley S(235)
Shelley S(235)
In answer to
Laura C(52)
Not really sure what to call this person So I'll call him Bob....
所以经过近3年鲍勃会空的承诺l still not go to work.
We have a 1 year old together and he will not go to work and provide for his daughter. He say its because he doesn't like leaving me on my own or to help out with housework or to spend quality time with me... he has every excuse going not to go to work. I'm getting so fed up and have started looking for my own place. I feel really bad as I know this will hurt him but I can't cope with him not going to work whiles I work 2 jobs to pick up the slack.
Please help!!! Am I asking to much.
告诉鲍勃他船上或船上了!告诉他你不会把自己担任地面!和他一起坐下来说,如果事情没有改变这种关系,你会离开他。只有你可以改变这种情况。如果你刚继续,那么什么都不会改变。为什么要呢?!他逃脱了!坚定并站在地上。你应该得到更好的支持。
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RME L.
RME L.
这听起来非常令人沮丧。你的伴侣整天做什么?他照顾你一岁吗?他跑房子,干净,煮你吗?如果他这样做,他是在家里的父母,在这种情况下他正在工作!如果父母双方工作但“拥有更多”不是一切 - 以及一个家庭的工作,那么家庭可能会更好,这不一定为另一个家庭工作。生活质量也很重要,只有这么久你可以做一份你讨厌的工作,无论它对程度如何。我有这个经验!但是,如果他不是在做一个sahp的角色,是的,你只有这么多,因为努力工作疲惫不堪的这一伙伴关系可以采取。我堂兄在这种情况下。 She worked all hours and supported her partner and 2 kids and still had to pay for childminders, nannies and cleaners whilst her partner spent all day on the PC pretending to work on something that curiously didn't seem to make any money. After 3 years, she eventually saw the light and told him she'd had enough. He wouldn't go (as he was on to such a good thing). It took her 2 years going through the courts to agree house/custody but she said it was worth it. 8 years later and he still hasn't got a job despite his numerous impressive qualifications. But it's not her problem anymore and thankfully she's moved on, as have the kids. You and Bob need to sit down and make a plan. Either he retrains or just gets on with it, as many people have to do to put food on the table for their families. Or you stop supporting him. Good luck with it all.
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